For her birthday, my husband and I gave her a generous gift card to a local yarn store, for which she thanked us and seemed very pleased. My daughter-in-law enjoys knitting and crocheting. Don’t miss it.ĭear Prudence, Daniel Mallory Ortberg, 2018 This is an opportunity for you to demonstrate empathy and compassion. Your sister’s not asking you to rearrange your whole world, she’s asking you to include her special-needs son (who it does not sound like is included in many things) once a year. Explain to them that being with their cousin while not playing video games for a few hours is not a punishment. I think that is not only reasonable, but a good thing to do! Surely you want your children to be comfortable around, and friendly with, all types of people, regardless of their neurological makeup. The other is whether or not you should accommodate a neuroatypical child’s needs when you see him once a year. If he threatens himself or other children, it is absolutely appropriate for you to end playtime and for your sister to help calm him down. One is safety-if your sister’s son is getting violent and throwing things at the holiday gathering, your main concern should be calmly separating the children and making sure that everyone is unharmed. So you can visit with your family on less fraught holidays-enjoy your tension-free Arbor Day visit. Tell your mother that since you now live closer, you will be seeing her when your sister is not there. You tell your mother that holidays are supposed to be joyful events, and all the joy is stomped out for you because you’re expected to be treated by your sister in a way you would never allow anyone else to treat you. Sure, your parents are torn between their daughters, but shame on them for putting the burden on you.
Revealingly, she never grew out of it, so you’ve been expected to suck it up on holidays and subject yourself to her shredding-even if you recognize the ridiculousness of the source. But it doesn’t sound as if your parents even tried to figure this out they just allowed her to express her obsessive jealousy and disdain. Perhaps your sister has some kind of personality disorder-these can be intractable and resistant to treatment.
It doesn’t matter that you were older-there needed to be rules in place about how people behaved toward each other in your family. Your parents held your childhood hostage to the terrible conduct of your younger sister. What’s a nice way to tell my mom I’m not coming home for Christmas?
Last Christmas saw me emptying my brother’s liquor cabinet. It’s not that I don’t want to go home it’s just my desire not to deal with Crystal outweighs my desire to see my family. Prudie, I’m in my 30s and have discovered my best holidays have been spent with friends, food, beer, and bad horror movies.
However, I recently moved closer, and now the pressure is on to come home for the holidays. For the last several years, I’ve lived far enough away that going home during the holidays was a financial burden. My family has acknowledged her behavior toward me, but their way to keep the peace is to tell me that since I’m the oldest, I need to be mature and ignore it. Her attitude is actually a joke between some friends and me. For as long as I can remember, she’s always been horrible to me, criticizing everything from my choice in movies and music to how I act in public. Dear Prudence, Emily Yoffe, September 2015įor most of my life, my sister “Crystal” and I have never had a good relationship.
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